Wipe Off
Jul 24, 09:40 PM
I came to the realisation today that this seldom used crab blog has turned into a preachy highly opinionated science page place…and I concluded that this was ultimately to blame for the lack of people reading it.
So after meditating (or more accurately falling asleep at my desk) on this I decided to go back to my roots. To the way things were before I was overcome by the dogma of modern science….back to what the title of this page indicates it should in fact contain: completely pointless ramblings. So here they come.
I’d like to think I’m not a sheep, as in the metaphorical sheep that follows other sheep…not a literal sheep, though I guess I would also like to think I’m not literally a sheep despite the benefits that a permanent wool coat would provide in winter. I know what I like and am confident enough to do my own thing, or so I thought! Recently however, I have begun to notice that I care a lot about what other people are doing when it comes to windscreen wipers.
That’s right… I’m a windscreen wiper sheep. Yes I am aware that this probably isn’t the best analogy for the situation, a sheep with a coat of windscreen wipers would be highly impractical, when compared to a box containing the same item, however this is my first rambling in a while so give me a break.
Let me explain. When I’m driving along and it starts to rain and a moderate amount of liquid appears on the windscreen I’m never quite sure what the appropriate speed of my windscreen wipers should be. Do I turn it to the first speed, the one where you can’t remember if you turned them on or not and then suddenly 5 min later they launch into action, clearing your vision temporarily? Or do I knock it up another notch and have the windscreen wipers occasionally squeak across the glass due to a lack of lubrication? And at what amount of water do I turn it up to the ‘caffeine high’ level, the dangerous level where top heavy cars may in fact roll over due to the rocking momentum? I felt like an inexperienced General, trying to determine the best strategy for fighting off an invading army.
Inappropriate wiper speed selection
I looked in the car “manual” and there was no advice, so I turned rather to other drivers…my peers of the road. I figured that by examining the cars around me, and adhering to the average wiper speed I would more often than not be getting it right.
This initial logical conclusion suddenly took on a whole new level when I began to change wiper speeds constantly. At traffic lights, under bridges, on the freeway…different locations required different speeds in the same rain event. It was addictive! Not only did I suddenly find myself turning my wipers down if cars around me had them on low I also started feeling slightly embarrassed if I had them on high at an inappropriate time. I became concerned that other drivers may look at me as a guide, much like I was looking at them, and I wanted to make sure I was showing them the correct level!
Then as winter progressed I felt more confident in my wiper-speed choices, so much so that I started to chuckle at those people who got it wrong, I felt better than them and mocked them silently in my head. “Getting a bit excited there mate! Scared of a bit of water? Mwahahaha!” What had I become? The power of this knowledge had corrupted me and what was initially a quest for good had spiralled into a shameful example of what too much knowledge can do to one man. I had forgotten that once I too was an inexperienced wiper-speed selector, much like with this blog, I had forgotten my roots.
Let this be a lesson to all of you out there, balance is important in ones life. By trying to control the speed of your wipers, don’t lose control of your life.
Filed under: Ramblings